Forgiveness again

  • The light on the hori­zon is start­ing to get orange. Saturday’s almost over and For­give­ness Sun­day is com­ing. After the ser­vice tomor­row, we have our last meal together before the Lenten fast kicks in. And then, we cel­e­brate For­give­ness Ves­pers, at the end of which we all ask for­give­ness, each one to each one, ask­ing for­give­ness for the past year and giv­ing for­give­ness as well.

    It’s a hard thing to do some­times. I’ve known some peo­ple who don’t go to that ser­vice just because there was some­one there they knew they couldn’t for­give. That scan­dal­ized me until I real­ized there are also peo­ple who just say the words and don’t mean them. (Some years, God help me, I may be that per­son.) Bet­ter to be hon­est, at least with yourself.

    And as I get older, I real­ize that real for­give­ness is harder than it’s cracked up to be. It was eas­ier, I think, when I was younger. My heart was younger, my brain was younger. I was youth­fully igno­rant of hav­ing offended any­one ever, but also more flex­i­ble and for­get­ful about hurts oth­ers had com­mit­ted against me. I wasn’t car­ry­ing as much bag­gage. I didn’t have as many mem­o­ries of past mis­deeds (my own or other people’s), and I didn’t know then that there are some peo­ple who will hurt you over and over again. When I say I for­give them, can I bear in mind every time that this is how God loves me? Not blindly, not stu­pidly — but with strength, even when I’m weak; con­stantly, even though I’m incon­stant. Can I be like that?
    I hope I try. I remem­ber hear­ing a ques­tion as I was channel-flipping on the radio one time: What is heaven like? I don’t know what their con­text was, but with the day I was hav­ing, I felt an answer right away. Heaven is a place where there’s for­give­ness. When­ever we for­give — truly for­give, with­out just putting some­one on pro­ba­tion — we bring a lit­tle bit of heaven to earth.

    The orange light has seeped around half the hori­zon now, and all the trees are black cutouts. It’s almost For­give­ness Sunday.

    For­give me, my broth­ers and sis­ters, and may God for­give us all.


    Related posts:

    1. For­give me
    2. The ghost of For­give­ness Ves­pers long past
    3. For­give us our tres­passes more than we for­give those who tres­pass against us …
    4. “Why have we fasted, but You did not see it?”
    5. The sash of the Theotokos

    February 28th, 2009 | Grace | No Comments |

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