Let’s play Judicial Nominee Twister!

  • On Fri­day morn­ing, Greg called to tell me that I might want to turn on the news and check it out because San­dra Day O’Connor was retir­ing. By early after­noon, he had received a for­warded e-mail from an acquain­tance with a peti­tion from MoveOn.org ( — an acquain­tance that has a very poor grasp of Greg’s polit­i­cal lean­ings, by the way.)

    “A peti­tion?” I asked. “They’re peti­tion­ing what?”

    “Who knows?” he said.

    So MoveOn.org has already started their dis­agree­able non­sense. And I’ve heard peo­ple from Planned Par­ent­hood using the words that their foot-soldiers love to hear. (“WHAT? Roe v. Wade in trou­ble again?? To the bat­poles!”) Good­ness knows that every good lit­tle Demo­c­rat Sen­a­tor will spend the rest of the long week­end prac­tic­ing his or her moral-outrage faces in the mir­ror, if they know what’s good for them.

    I say the GOP should work it. Here’s what they need to do.

    1. Stall – Announce meet­ings and then can­cel them. Call press con­fer­ences and then talk about plumb­ing prob­lems. Turn off cell phones. Say the fax is bro­ken. Just any­thing to allow time for the real fringe-y nut­balls on the left to start los­ing their minds. (Four days ought to do it.)
    2. Mis­in­form – Leak sto­ries men­tion­ing Ann Coul­ter, and then tell every­one they made a mis­take and that’s the name of your para­keet. When the pres­i­dent says that he’s look­ing at many can­di­dates, tell him to start using words like “old-fashioned” and “God-fearing”. Have Newt Gin­grich be seen buy­ing black shoes.
    3. Bother – Pipe Rush Lim­baugh and coun­try music into the Sen­a­to­r­ial wash­rooms. Tow all their cars.
    4. Enrage – On the day of the announce­ment, turn off the air con­di­tion­ing in the Sen­ate. Keep every­one wait­ing 45 min­utes. The pres­i­dent should come in walk­ing ver­rrry slow and smil­ing a LOT. He should shuf­fle cards for 10–20 minutes.
    5. Pow! – Then he should sud­denly straighten up and go, “I nom­i­nate Elmer Fudd! I nom­i­nate my bar­ber! I nom­i­nate St. Simeon the Stylite! I nom­i­nate [real can­di­date]! I nom­i­nate Tito Jack­son!” and run off the stage.

    Actu­ally, he wouldn’t need to worry about how to get off the stage. The wall of sound would carry him off. “Elmer Fudd is COMPLETELY unsuit­able as a …” … “I can­not CONDONE the behav­ior of St. Simeon the …” … “Tito Jack­son has a RECORD of bias and hate-speech that …” … “We don’t even KNOW your stinkin’ bar­ber!!!” etc. etc. etc. It would take them a week to even sort it out, and by that time, the Amer­i­can pub­lic would be more inter­ested in the new sea­son of “Des­per­ate Housewives.”

    Well, I think it’s a good idea, anyway.


    Related posts:

    1. Quick recap

    July 3rd, 2005 | Grace | 6 Comments |

6 Responses and Counting...

  • Mike on Hilton Head 07.03.2005

    Oh imag­ine.. Ann Coul­ter! Wouldn’t that be some­thing. No mat­ter who the Pres­i­dent nom­i­nates the Dems will come unglued. Jus­tice O’Connor retires and the National Orga­ni­za­tion for Women posts pho­tos of women who died in back­room abor­tions. Gosh! left­ies even thought the con­fir­ma­tion of Jus­tice Souter would cause women to die…

    Time for Bush to step up and nom­i­nate a real con­ser­v­a­tive. There’s no polit­i­cal price he has to pay in doing so. None of the MoveOn crowd would vote for Repub­li­cans in 2006 even if he nom­i­nated Bar­bara Streisand.

  • Grace

    That makes sense to me. What the heck — it would be inter­est­ing to even see what all these guys say if they really *do* have some­thing to com­plain about. Might as well be hung for a sheep as a goat, as the say­ing goes.

    Unfor­tu­nately, it seems just as pre­dictable that Bush will be wimpy about this oppor­tu­nity and try to come up with some com­pro­mise (for which he will be utterly detested and despised by the left). He’s already made some noises about work­ing with the Sen­ate on the deci­sion. Why? I don’t believe any­one has ever involved the Sen­ate in the choice of nom­i­nee before. We know from perus­ing the cir­cuit of response from Kennedy, Pelosi, Reid and the rest that they are act­ing as if this is an enti­tle­ment — but they’re full of it, and I wish Bush would com­pletely ignore them.

    Oh well. As all the com­men­ta­tors have said, it’s going to be a loooonnng summer.

  • Jim N.

    Oh, this is funny, funny, funny! (a tri­une funny is, of course, the high­est of all fun­nies available)

  • Grace

    Thank good­ness some­one else thinks so, too. It’s ter­ri­ble to crack your­self up. But then, I think I’ve got that Pavlov­ian response to the name “Elmer Fudd.”

  • This Side of Glory » Blog Archive » Jus­tice Fudd report­ing for duty

    […] they wanted to say, ” .…???” It’s almost as if Bush took me up on my grand idea and nom­i­nated Elmer Fudd just to shut the […]

  • This Side of Glory » Blog Archive » Jus­tice Fudd report­ing for duty

    […] they wanted to say, ” .…???” It’s almost as if Bush took me up on my grand idea and nom­i­nated Elmer Fudd just to shut the […]

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